Kayne Watching: I Spent My Whole Life In A Trash Can

Posted by mmmshado on August 17, 2006

Well, when I ended last week, we knew that I was dreading the up coming week. Something about the way they do the previews foretells doom for at least one person and all the doom and gloom was being forecast in the direction of Mr. Kaynesicle himself. With no Klonapin or buddy Roberts at my side- but definitely a great roommate to comfort me in all the scary parts, what I call the episode of Doom arrived.

It all starts with Heidi deciding that it’s been a little too easy on the designers lately. Designing for dogs? Too simple. Ripping up your apartment and making it into something beautiful? A kindergarten class could do that. No kids, this time let’s throw a Fashion Mensa party. But in usual fashion, Fashion Mensa has to be thrown to the side for one evening while the designers have no idea what to expect.

Welcome to the worst world of designers- mornings. In the apartments we were seeing quite the other sides of all of our favorite designers but surprisingly we were without the convertible hair. What happened to the convertible hair? I’m hoping the latch isn’t broken and needs to go in for repair- now is not the time for Hair Care Repair.

Surprisingly enough, the designers are forced to New Jersey with no open toed shoes (don’t you love that Kayne got special mention for this? He’s expertly singled out on the basis of his footwear. Only thing I could hope to be singled out for would be to leave knitting needles around my workplace and then everybody would know who it was) Ok- so this could work. I was hoping that there would be some exciting trip to Princeton to complete Fashion Mensa. Fashion For Geeks. String Fashion Theory. Quantum Fashion.

Nope, it’s Fashion RRR- Fashion Really Ridiculous Recyclables.

In this backwards world recycling facility, fashion is a no no. I did feel a little cringe imagining Kayne as the construction worker in The Village People but with a touch of sherbert for good measure. I was expecting some spontaneous dancing and performances but the pressure was on to find some sort of suitable material for an unsuitable challenge. We did get the workings of the inner mind of Kayne though- Spending his whole life in a trash can, growing up “white trash.”

Boys, girls, and Kayneaholics, please take that as reason to never forget that beauty can flourish everywhere. This has been a Kayne Watching Public Service Announcement.

30 minutes were up and the torture for us Kayne Watchers began. There’s really no need to deny it. In my experience, with all the episodes of Project Runway so far, and not just because of Kayne, this was the most depressing episode of PR ever- we’ve seen the dark side of Project Runway.

I believe the producers must have been aware of this when we were given Kayne and Robert’s Trash Talk Hour (it really was the most suitable episode to do this) to lighten the mood. Oh the boys were having a good old time especially when we found out that Laura had kissed Kayne on the cheek once. I’m not afraid to say it everybody, Laura is a Kayne Watcher if there ever was one. Despite the rough exterior, I’m sure she too keeps up on Kayne Watching or records her own Kayne-A-Licious podcast.

After Kayne and Robert’s Trash Talk Hour, Kayne revealed his own Blue Steel look- The Citrus Twist Kayneimated Squint. This just might be the look to make when you find yourself in the face of doom without silky fabrics to hold onto. None of this was made any better by Tim’s most colorful expression yet.

“It looks like a toad exploded all over it”

At Kayne Watching, compassion is #1. It might be a blog but there’s a human behind it seeing the tears in his eyes. I try to be funny (very poorly so) but I can’t deny how Kayne must have been feeling to be in the process of making a design that just doesn’t work. If Tim Gunn hates something you’re doing, bottle caps, tempera paint and all, it means something, you should listen. Many a soul has found themselves ousted off of the land of fashion due to ignoring The Gunn.

But this is Fashion Mensa. And sometimes you just want an answer to the problem in front of you. At this point I was repeatedly thinking “Carry On Kayne! Just carry it on!”

Doom was taking the better of our namesake. The downward thought spiral was continuing. Why wasn’t there a Buddhist monk there to guide him on this Fashion Journey?

“I’ve made a fairy costume” and “I just really hate my dress”

Reading this once again, I’m astounded by how quickly Kayne is able to go through Stages of Recovery. Here’s a sampling:

– Denial: When he was putting each of the bottle caps on the dress, he must have thought that this was going to look wonderful even knowing somewhere that it had to be overkill.

– Admission: Kayne didn’t really want to admit that the dress was bad especially in front of the other designers. His reluctance was clear but he saw there was a problem, a very big problem that needed to be faced. The key here is reluctance. His last dress had gone over so well so he didn’t want to think he was capable of bad design but the admission came.

– Compliance: “I’ve made a fairy costume” says this all. There was still detachment in this statement because some of the other designers looks looked unpolished and possibly worse than this, but it was a surrendering of pride.

– Acceptance: “I’m not ready to go” In this moment, the reality that a bad dress could mean no runway show, no other collection, no big white tents all came rushing in. To admit this takes courage but he did it. Even his remarks on the runway were characteristic of this

– Surrender: On the runway, we see the reality of the situation when Kayne’s dress is singled out by Michael for “stepping over the boundary of taste”. He wasn’t trying to be Santino (who actually couldn’t get past the denial stage ever). He was humbled by the tragedy that was his dress but handled it expertly.

When you put it into this focus, the conversation between Kayne and Laura is more inspiring. While Laura expressed (in contempt of herself and being a closet Kayne Watcher) her worry over the dress, Kayne flew back with

“Well honey, I worry about your character”

Character to me involves moving forward, seeing emotions as Mensa. Part of Surrender involves gaining balance in all dimensions, including the dimension of fashion. The cycle completed in his favor when he was spared the bottom 2 chopping block and he spread this newfound experience in the surrender stage by re-framing Alison’s leaving from Laura’s outburst at Vincent to a positive “Let’s enjoy the last few minutes that we have together.”

See, it’s not just fashion at stake here. Project Runway has always been a magnifying glass of human behavior and personality. We’re complex individuals who will sometimes put out bad designs. But the acceptance of these mistakes, letting yourself see the reality of a situation, and either making changes to your dress, your self, or just your attitude is the real challenge.

Hmmm maybe this is my new “You can cry and you can cut, but you have to cry and cut”.

“You can change your dress, you can change yourself, or you can change your attitude. But honey, you’ve gotta change something!”

That one’s for you Kayne.


2 Responses to “Kayne Watching: I Spent My Whole Life In A Trash Can”

  1. sean said

    What you’ve outlined herein is exactly why I’m fast becoming a Kayne-watcher. He didn’t try to bullshit his way through. It was a mis-step and he knew it. He was refreshingly honest. I think his sewing skills and his personality kept him on the show…he makes good TV. I’m glad because this easily could have been his exit.

    Laura is fast becoming the villan, I think. She’s really got the claws out, that one-trick pony.

  2. Erica said

    I couldn’t wait to read what you’d write today after I watched the show last night. 🙂 Althought she’s kind of a bee-otch, Laura kinda cracked me up when she went off on Vincent, but only because he bugs me. Talk about denial!

    I think Kayne is funny…I giggle every time I think of him on the ground, covered in crap in that tacky yellow vest, talking about how he grew up white trash….oh, the horror!

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