Kayne Watching: I’m In Love With This Dress

Posted by mmmshado on September 7, 2006

Bienvenue a Paris Kayne Watchers. What a dream it is to be in the city of Moulin Rouge, Eiffel Tower, Arch De Triomphe, and Kayne’s new identity which shall now be known as Monseiur Kayne de Frommage (alas, there’s no French word truly for Kaynesicle but they do have plenty of cheese! I find it quite appropriate)

So Monseiur Kayne de Frommage- what can we expect from you? I’m thinking your French self is a combination of an episode of Absolutely Fabulous (particularly the “I Hate France!” one) with all its fun ridiculousness, a part Lacroix, and a hint and dash of l’amour. Needless to say Kayne Watchers, the excitement must have hit intensely when we found out this would be a Couture gown. In our brains we resurrected images of Miss USA and Marilyn Monroe- the glory days of Kayne were on their way back.

In order to have an appropriate welcome to France, Monsieur Kayne de Frommage MUST have a party. This whole season has been lacking in festivity to an almost dire extent. But in order to get to that party, Le Frommage must search high and low through a fabric store in Montmarte to find the perfect je ne sais quoi fabric.

But first an appreciation of Kayne’s kindness- leading everyone in the cheers for Jeffrey’s win. Clearly that was some pre-ordained celebration for me (my name’s Jeff). It takes real courage after a devastating judging from Katherine Malandrino and our loyal judges to arise above that and really celebrate the victories of others. I’d say it was quite tasteful of him in fact.

And another appreciation for daring fashion choices. What was MKDF’s inspiration for gym shorts in Paris? I guess when you’re named after a cheese, you really just want to be comfortable for eating,shopping, and sketching. Understandable- it must have been part of his transition from mere Oklahoma-n to Le Kayne Francais.

While practically on the steps of the Sacre Couer, Vincent our self proclaimed couture “expert” gives his seal of appreciation minus his usual lewd statements to our namesake. I can deal without the lewdness but all appreciation for Kayne is quite welcome. Thanks Vincent!

After fabric has been purchased, it’s time to “Faites-lui le travail” (poor translation I know) Kayne was perhaps more ready to practice some of his new pickup lines (so that he can send them to Robert obviously- Kayne’s a happily coupled man) Let’s see what Monseiur Kayne de Frommage came up with:

Hé bébé, voulez-vous coudre ? (Hey baby, wanna sew?)

Je peux me voir dans votre couture (I can see myself in your couture)

Est-ce que c’est le Tour Eiffel dans votre pantalon ou êtes-vous simplement heureux de me voir ? (Is that the Eiffel Tower in your pants or are you just happy to see me?)

J’avez-vous perdu ma forme de robe, serez-vous la mienne ? (I lost my dress form, will you be mine?)

Je suis nouveau en ville. Est-ce que je peux avoir des directions à votre château ? (I’m new in town, can I have directions to your castle?)

And finally,

Je m’appelle couture. Je ferai votre corps bon. (My name’s couture. I’ll do your body good)

 (Thanks to AltaVista Babelfish for translation!)

As the piece was coming together, we get the usual scrutiny from Tim Gunn. I felt like he really needed to have a glass of red wine, smoking a cigarette, and wearing a beret while doing this critique. At least the agony of what was happening would have been less- who can take Tim Gunn in a beret seriously? Personally, I thought it coming together was beautiful and very couture. I imagined (in my crossover show of America’s Next Top Model and PR) the model wearing this dress and love love loving it to death and modelling it like it was the last dress she’ll ever wear. Luckily Kayne was able to prevent Tim’s criticism from taking over- his positive attitude is so admirable

“I’m in love with this dress. I think it’s gorgeous. Hopefully (the judges) will see the life I breathed into this”

Back to the other designers, my conviction that Laura was perhaps the first subscriber to Kayne Watching was confirmed- all her criticisms are just absolute love and admiration of Monsieur Kayne de Frommage. And Jeffrey, we can just be comforted by the thought that he is trying to suppress his Kayne tendencies in life and covering it up with that harsh and brusque exterior. Perhaps he was subscriber #2!

When the first day finished up, I felt concern. Has Kayne’s hair color changed?!?! Has he dimmed the brightness of the hair for the gay parisians or was it just some bad light that he stumbled into.

Word of advice Kayne- slow down while shaving! (Just a friendly PSA)

And yes, after all this, the real Kayne de Frommage comes out of Le Cabinet per se. If anyone is going to be the humorous one on this show, it’s Kayne. And while it was “Spectaculairement de fromage”, it was a welcome from the biting and critical statements from everyone else.

Katherine Malandrino- how we love your love of Kayne. Sure we find out you were living a double life (even after fondling Kayne’s dress), but your admiration and extensive praise of Kayne’s dress made this Kayne Watcher bubble with excitement. I was ready to pull out the champagne right there because that dress really was gorgeous and matched perfectly with his blazer. He’s not just a designer, he’s an accessory.

While traversing the Seine, Kayne worked his own Je Ne Sais Quoi to attract the attention of the French models. I’m sure they were loving his Plus D’Orange Coiffure.

And now it’s time to leave our French pick up lines for the streets of New York once again. Going into this, Kayne did us very very proud on that boat- the dress moves, it shines, it WORKS! Alas the disparities exist from what we see on tv and what the judges see. Obviously they’re just Santino-ing him at this point and can’t look at his work objectively. I mean hello, Kayne “Too Much” Gillaspie? At least be French about it Nina- you work at Elle. Kayne “Beaucoup” Gillaspie. Much better if it has to be. I love how insults sound much better in French.

The best part of all this is- No Au Revoir to Kayne. To Kayne…

Vous basculez notre monde (You rock our world!)


3 Responses to “Kayne Watching: I’m In Love With This Dress”

  1. sean said

    Wonderful post, as always. I did appreciate how nice Kayne was to Jeffrey…against my “better” judgement. I’m torn (per the previews) whether Kayne should edit himself to appease the judges or if he should remain true to his vision. I lean toward the latter, but I’m afraid the producers are setting up a Kayne-fall. Kayne finally does what the judges ask and he’s auf’d. I hope not!!!

    We’ll see anyway!

  2. marthamaria said

    so glad to find this link. i love watching Kayne each week. his designs are always fab- u- lous… and always fresh and new. Kayne expertly creates something beatifully made and exciting every week, without bitching or whining. his clothes are never just a retread of the same old design with a fabric change.
    i love love love his clothes,as a woman of size i would love to have the outfit he created for Michael’s mom. i thought it was pretty and was a very flattering color for just about anyone. The Marilyn, Miss USA, and Couture evening gowns should ensure his international fame long after projrun.
    i too am worried that the hidebound judges comments are setting him up for an Auf. big mistake.
    i guess they just don’t get it. ….but…..
    i am definitely joining the “call me tacky and send me to vegas” club.

  3. Emx said

    Uh, your posts are *really* long, but anyway, they are good 😉

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